First Promotion.
Moved 800 miles.
Paid off car/became debt free.
Graduated with MBA.
Above- Christina's life from January 5 - May 4. Why spread out major life accomplishments when you can cram them all into four months?
The unintended effect of hitting four goals that I had been working towards for two years within 4 months is that on the other side, I'm on a major life crash. Namely, after having such specific, big goals to work towards for two years, I now find myself a lame MBA earned, debt free, promoted newly-24 year old who is tasting normal life. I have over accomplished myself and really have no tangible goals I want to work towards. Schooling? Done. My next promotion? Two years away. Financially? I'm just in a saving place right now, needing a couple more years before I buy a house or something. Moving? I'm good here.
As great as it is to be done with school, I really feel like I've lost something with being done. I never really worked full time without being in school, and was so used to having that purpose and thing to work for outside of work. And now I just feel lazy not having something I have to do when I get home. Sure, it doesn't help that I'm in a tough spot with my job and don't have the job satisfaction like I used to. That is a huge factor in this as well. In a way, I feel like I've lost a lot. I've lost the driving forces in my life, and am grappling with being able to have goals that are less momentous and having them still be valid and important.
Things like eating healthier or getting to bed earlier seem like pebbles compared to the boulders I've accomplished. And I'm just not getting myself to a place where I can accept being excited about the pebbles and just calming things down a notch and accepting my free time.
My real goal for this year is to find my husband, but I feel like I can't just say that. I can't will myself to get married and find my husband. Or maybe I can. I figure I can date, I can put myself out there, but most of all I must trust God.
Another goal I really need to tackle but am too afraid of is my health. I won't even say it like it is. I've struggled with the disorder for a decade now. Ten years. To varying degrees, yes. It has gotten better, yes. But these past few weeks have seen a regression like I haven't seen in a while. Because I'm nervous and I'm panicked and because that's my coping mechanism. And yes, it will be something I probably always struggle with to some extent. But at this point, if I'm really honest with myself, I want to lose the weight. And I know what I need to do is simple. I need to stop the binge, control the impulse, and find new and better ways to cope with how I feel. I don't mind going to the gym, in fact I enjoy it. But I also need to find a way to push myself at the gym. I want to do a triathlon but I'm too afraid that my body won't be able to hold up, that I'll be judged for wanting to do it, and that I'll fail.
So really, this year comes down to fear. Fear of failure and unwillingness to set goals I know I could fail at. Last year was full of easy, small goals. Because I thrive off accomplishment. I thrive off achieving concrete goals. My goals this year don't have a specific end, they aren't as easily defined. They're scary. They're uncertain. They require more of myself than I may be willing to give. But that's all the more reason to set them. If I really want to achieve them, if I'm really serious about them, I'll make myself do them. But I've failed so many times, and I've let myself become tired and defeated. So maybe they're dreams, not goals. Or maybe they're too big and I need to start smaller. So here's the rough draft. Afterall, life just keeps on going, and there's many ways to go. And sometimes there's not a right and wrong, but just a bunch of options that are all alright.
As an aside, I am a small child and therefore enjoy bribing myself but am looking for cheap/free bribes for these goals. Because being an adult is just the struggle that never ends.
1. Health
- Lights out at 10pm on work nights (it really shouldn't be that hard, am I right? But Netflix, am I right?)
- Normal serving sizes for every meal/snack. No extra eating.
-Have dessert every night, but a normal amount. (Be able to pace a dessert instead of panicking)
- Read the bible each night. Read through books and actively read- with a pencil. Read a chapter a night.
-Set alarms so I have enough time to get to bed by 10pm and also get that reading in.
- Triathlon. I really want to do one. Even if it's a try a tri. Even if it's at a fitness club. I know I can do it. Please knees let me.
-Swim once a week. Small stuff here. I have all the brand new gear.
-Be active 6 days/week. Even if you're just taking a walk.
-Do some weights at least once a week. I know you can't Netflix at the same time, but it needs to happen.
-Go to church every week. This one has become so strangely hard. But is so important.
-Spend time outside every weekend.
-Spend some non-screen time everyday. Sudoku, coloring books, podcasts, puzzles, crafts, shopping. There's so many options but also so many Netflix shows.
-Get a physical.
-Do your bio-metric screening.
-Keep letting those nails grow. They're on a roll, and have gotten so much better. Keep giving them a chance. My goal in life is to regularly use fingernail and toenail clippers.
-Date. Don't be afraid to date a lot. Don't be afraid to do it online. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. Don't be afraid that it might not work out. Start somewhere and go from there.
The unintended effect of hitting four goals that I had been working towards for two years within 4 months is that on the other side, I'm on a major life crash. Namely, after having such specific, big goals to work towards for two years, I now find myself a lame MBA earned, debt free, promoted newly-24 year old who is tasting normal life. I have over accomplished myself and really have no tangible goals I want to work towards. Schooling? Done. My next promotion? Two years away. Financially? I'm just in a saving place right now, needing a couple more years before I buy a house or something. Moving? I'm good here.
As great as it is to be done with school, I really feel like I've lost something with being done. I never really worked full time without being in school, and was so used to having that purpose and thing to work for outside of work. And now I just feel lazy not having something I have to do when I get home. Sure, it doesn't help that I'm in a tough spot with my job and don't have the job satisfaction like I used to. That is a huge factor in this as well. In a way, I feel like I've lost a lot. I've lost the driving forces in my life, and am grappling with being able to have goals that are less momentous and having them still be valid and important.
Things like eating healthier or getting to bed earlier seem like pebbles compared to the boulders I've accomplished. And I'm just not getting myself to a place where I can accept being excited about the pebbles and just calming things down a notch and accepting my free time.
My real goal for this year is to find my husband, but I feel like I can't just say that. I can't will myself to get married and find my husband. Or maybe I can. I figure I can date, I can put myself out there, but most of all I must trust God.
Another goal I really need to tackle but am too afraid of is my health. I won't even say it like it is. I've struggled with the disorder for a decade now. Ten years. To varying degrees, yes. It has gotten better, yes. But these past few weeks have seen a regression like I haven't seen in a while. Because I'm nervous and I'm panicked and because that's my coping mechanism. And yes, it will be something I probably always struggle with to some extent. But at this point, if I'm really honest with myself, I want to lose the weight. And I know what I need to do is simple. I need to stop the binge, control the impulse, and find new and better ways to cope with how I feel. I don't mind going to the gym, in fact I enjoy it. But I also need to find a way to push myself at the gym. I want to do a triathlon but I'm too afraid that my body won't be able to hold up, that I'll be judged for wanting to do it, and that I'll fail.
So really, this year comes down to fear. Fear of failure and unwillingness to set goals I know I could fail at. Last year was full of easy, small goals. Because I thrive off accomplishment. I thrive off achieving concrete goals. My goals this year don't have a specific end, they aren't as easily defined. They're scary. They're uncertain. They require more of myself than I may be willing to give. But that's all the more reason to set them. If I really want to achieve them, if I'm really serious about them, I'll make myself do them. But I've failed so many times, and I've let myself become tired and defeated. So maybe they're dreams, not goals. Or maybe they're too big and I need to start smaller. So here's the rough draft. Afterall, life just keeps on going, and there's many ways to go. And sometimes there's not a right and wrong, but just a bunch of options that are all alright.
As an aside, I am a small child and therefore enjoy bribing myself but am looking for cheap/free bribes for these goals. Because being an adult is just the struggle that never ends.
1. Health
- Lights out at 10pm on work nights (it really shouldn't be that hard, am I right? But Netflix, am I right?)
- Normal serving sizes for every meal/snack. No extra eating.
-Have dessert every night, but a normal amount. (Be able to pace a dessert instead of panicking)
- Read the bible each night. Read through books and actively read- with a pencil. Read a chapter a night.
-Set alarms so I have enough time to get to bed by 10pm and also get that reading in.
- Triathlon. I really want to do one. Even if it's a try a tri. Even if it's at a fitness club. I know I can do it. Please knees let me.
-Swim once a week. Small stuff here. I have all the brand new gear.
-Be active 6 days/week. Even if you're just taking a walk.
-Do some weights at least once a week. I know you can't Netflix at the same time, but it needs to happen.
-Go to church every week. This one has become so strangely hard. But is so important.
-Spend time outside every weekend.
-Spend some non-screen time everyday. Sudoku, coloring books, podcasts, puzzles, crafts, shopping. There's so many options but also so many Netflix shows.
-Get a physical.
-Do your bio-metric screening.
-Keep letting those nails grow. They're on a roll, and have gotten so much better. Keep giving them a chance. My goal in life is to regularly use fingernail and toenail clippers.
-Date. Don't be afraid to date a lot. Don't be afraid to do it online. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. Don't be afraid that it might not work out. Start somewhere and go from there.