I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I know this isn't what you hoped for, or what you expected. I'm sorry I'm not staying the minimum year I'm supposed to say, and I'm sorry this happened so quickly, and so early on. I'm sorry that it was supposed to a promotion, so that I could justify it in my mind, but now it's not, and I'm still taking it. I'm sorry that I can't pretend I'm sad to leave. I'm sorry that I am so relieved to be leaving. And mostly I'm sorry that I took advantage of this job to get me here, and now I'm leaving to get what I really want. I'm sorry that you did everything right, and I'm still not happy. You showered me with gifts, you took me on business trips, you made sure I was never overwhelmed or figuring things out for myself. You trained the crap out of me and invested so much in me. You let me work from home part time, you set up a standing desk in my cube. I'm sorry it wasn't a good fit. I'm sorry I haven't been a very good employee, because I've been so starved for work that sometimes it feels like my brain has dissolved. I'm sorry that this opportunity came up and I didn't think twice, and that I felt so relieved when I got it. I'm sorry I've been so miserable.
But I'm not sorry either. You never gave me enough work. For 22 weeks now I've been banging my head against the wall because you won't give me enough to do. My work isn't challenging, it's paper pushing. I only feel connected to one person because after five months, you're all still just names and voices on a screen. I don't feel like I have room to grow. I have no visibility, I'm getting little valuable experience. I go to work and might talk to two people, and everyone else just walks by. You haven't challenged me, you haven't let me go out on my own and figure things out. For five months I've been bored out of my mind, frustrated out of my mind, lonely out of my mind. Since my second week I've been counting down the weeks until I hit the one year mark. I'm transferring within the company, and my skills are actually going to go to use. I never thought it would go like this, but I'm glad it did. And I can't be apologetic for that. I'm not sorry that I'm getting my dream job, and that things are working out better than I could have even hoped for. This was going to happen eventually, and it just happened earlier than expected.
The guilt weighs on me, the suspense, excitement, and nervousness of a new job preoccupy me. For being an incredibly positive person, these past five months have made me angry and resentful like I never imagined I could be. I've been miserable in a way that I haven't been able to fix, but relented that I had chosen this life and therefore must accept it. Until I didn't, and I didn't think twice.
But I'm not sorry either. You never gave me enough work. For 22 weeks now I've been banging my head against the wall because you won't give me enough to do. My work isn't challenging, it's paper pushing. I only feel connected to one person because after five months, you're all still just names and voices on a screen. I don't feel like I have room to grow. I have no visibility, I'm getting little valuable experience. I go to work and might talk to two people, and everyone else just walks by. You haven't challenged me, you haven't let me go out on my own and figure things out. For five months I've been bored out of my mind, frustrated out of my mind, lonely out of my mind. Since my second week I've been counting down the weeks until I hit the one year mark. I'm transferring within the company, and my skills are actually going to go to use. I never thought it would go like this, but I'm glad it did. And I can't be apologetic for that. I'm not sorry that I'm getting my dream job, and that things are working out better than I could have even hoped for. This was going to happen eventually, and it just happened earlier than expected.
The guilt weighs on me, the suspense, excitement, and nervousness of a new job preoccupy me. For being an incredibly positive person, these past five months have made me angry and resentful like I never imagined I could be. I've been miserable in a way that I haven't been able to fix, but relented that I had chosen this life and therefore must accept it. Until I didn't, and I didn't think twice.